I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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