I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
