My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
