Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize