Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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