better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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