my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
