I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
