just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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