You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
