That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
