I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
