its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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