Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
