I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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