THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
