Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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