you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize