And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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