as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize