Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
