my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
