You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
