also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
