His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
