remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
as a side note pls kill me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
