Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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