i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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