I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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