got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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