You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
