The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
