That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
