No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
