rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
