My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
