I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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