After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize