I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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