The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
