Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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