He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
