I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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