I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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