For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just blew my weed a kiss
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
