Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
