hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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