i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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