nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
