haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
