Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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