People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
