I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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