highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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