You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
