I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
