We won't sleep together?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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