I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
