i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
