This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
