This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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