people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
tell me about the fingering
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