I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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