So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
