community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
