We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
