do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
