He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
