Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
