If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
