Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
