If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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