Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
