Having a random hookup so left but love u
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
