dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
