i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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