those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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