So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
