Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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