hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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