I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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