wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
