Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
so much tequila, so little girl.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
