Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize