also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
