I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
