She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
