Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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