ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
