Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
