i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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