So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
