It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
