Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize