I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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