the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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