Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
