We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
