Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Randomize
