Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
