You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
