You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
