he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
