Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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